A gentle reminder that as we seek out friends and family this time of year that we should take time for deep introspection.
Be good to others and yourself :)
My dear Mr. Kappus,
I don't want you to be without a greeting from me when Christmas comes and when you, in the midst of the holiday, are bearing your solitude more heavily than usual. But when you notice that it is vast, you should be happy; for what (you should ask yourself) would a solitude be that was not vast; there is only one solitude, and it is vast, heavy, difficult to bear, and almost everyone has hours when he would gladly exchange it for any kind of sociability, however trivial or cheap, for the tiniest outward agreement with the first person who comes along, the most unworthy. . . . But perhaps these are the very hours during which solitude grows; for its growing is painful as the growing of boys and sad as the beginning of spring. But that must not confuse you. What is necessary, after all, is only this: solitude, vast inner solitude. To walk inside yourself and meet no one for hours - that is what you must be able to attain. To be solitary as you were when you were a child, when the grown-ups walked around involved with matters that seemed large and important because they looked so busy and because you didn't understand a thing about what they were doing.
And when you realize that their activities are shabby, that their vocations are petrified and no longer connected with life, why not then continue to look upon it all as a child would, as if you were looking at something unfamiliar, out of the depths of your own solitude, which is itself work and status and vocation? Why should you want to give up a child's wise not-understanding in exchange for defensiveness and scorn, since not-understanding is, after all, a way of being alone, whereas defensiveness and scorn are participation in precisely what, by these means, you want to separate yourself from.
Think, dear Sir, of the world that you carry inside you, and call this thinking whatever you want to: a remembering of your own childhood or a yearning toward a future of your own - only be attentive to what is arising within you, and place that above everything you perceive around you. What is happening on your innermost self is worthy of your entire love; somehow you must find a way to work at it, and not lose too much time or too much courage in clarifying your attitude toward people. Who says that you have any attitude at all? - I know, your profession is hard and full of things that contradict you, and I foresaw your lament and knew that it would come. Now that it has come, there is nothing I can say to reassure you, I can only suggest that perhaps all professions are like that, filled with demands, filled with hostility toward the individual, saturated as it were with the hatred of those who find themselves mute and sullen in an insipid duty. The situation you must live in now is not more heavily burdened with conventions, prejudices, and false ideas than all the other situations, and if there are some that pretend to offer a greater freedom, there is nevertheless note that is, in itself, vast and spacious and connected to the important Things that the truest kind of life consists of. Only the individual who is solitary is placed under the deepest laws like a Thing, and when he walks out into the rising dawn or looks out into the event-filled evening and when he feels what is happening there, all situations drop from him as if from a dead man, though he stands in the midst of pure life. What you, dear Mr. Kappus, now have to experience as an officer, you would have felt in just the same way in any of the established professions; yes, even if, outside any position, you had simply tried to find some easy and independent contact with society, this feeling of being hemmed in would not have been spared you. - It is like this everywhere; but that is no cause for anxiety or sadness; if there is nothing you can share with other people, try to be close to Things; they will not abandon you; and the nights are still there, and the winds that move through the trees and across many lands; everything in the world of Things and animals is still filled with happening, which you can take part in; and children are still the way you were as a child, sad and happy in just the same way - and if you think of your childhood, you once again live among them, and the grown-ups are nothing, and their dignity has no value.
And if it frightens and torments you to think of childhood and of the simplicity and silence that accompanies it, because you can no longer believe in God, who appears in it everywhere, when ask yourself, dear Mr. Kappus, whether you have really lost God. Isn't it much truer to say that you have never yet possessed him? For when could that have been? Do you think that a child can hold him, him whom grown men bear only with great effort and whose weight crushes the old? Do you suppose that someone who really has him could lose him like a little stone? Or don't you think that someone who once had him could only be lost by him? - But if you realize that he did not exist in your childhood, and did not exist previously, if you suspect that Christ was deluded by his yearning and Muhammad deceived by his pride - and if you are terrified to feel that even now he does not exist, even at this moment when we are talking about him - what justifies you then, if he never existed, in missing him like someone who has passed away and in searching for him as though he were lost?
Why don't you think of him as the one who is coming, who has been approaching from all eternity, the one who will someday arrive, the ultimate fruit of a tree whose leaves we are? What keeps you from projecting his birth into the ages that are coming into existence, and living your life as a painful and lovely day in the history of a great pregnancy? Don't you see how everything that happens is again and again a beginning, and couldn't it be His beginning, since, in itself, starting is always so beautiful? If he is the most perfect one, must not what is less perfect precede him, so that he can choose himself out of fullness and superabundance? - Must not he be the last one, so that he can include everything in himself, and what meaning would we have if he whom we are longing for has already existed?
As bees gather honey, so we collect what is sweetest out of all things and build Him. Even with the trivial, with the insignificant (as long as it is done out of love) we begin, with work and with the repose that comes afterward, with a silence or with a small solitary joy, with everything that we do alone, without anyone to join or help us, we start Him whom we will not live to see, just as our ancestors could not live to see us. And yet they, who passed away long ago, still exist in us, as predisposition, as burden upon our fate, as murmuring blood, and as gesture that rises up from the depths of time.
Is there anything that can deprive you of the hope that in this way you will someday exist in Him, who is the farthest, the outermost limit?
Dear Mr. Kappus, celebrate Christmas in this devout feeling, that perhaps He needs this very anguish of yours in order to being; these very days of your transition are perhaps the time when everything in you is working at Him, as you once worked at Him in your childhood, breathlessly. Be patient and without bitterness, and realize that the least we can do is to make coming into existence no more difficult for Him than the earth does for spring when it wants to come.
And be glad and confident.
Yours,
Rainer Maria Rilke
- Letters to a young poet , Letter 6
longing is the core of mystery.
longing itself brings the cure.
the only rule is, suffer the pain.
your desire must be disciplined,
and what you want to happen
in time, sacrificed.
- rumi
I was out and about and decided to to check up on what was playing at the Lumiere which is only a block away from me. One of the posters that caught my eye was A Jihad for Love which is a documentary that chronicles the lives of various muslims who struggle to reconcile their faith and sexuality. The stories were powerful and heartbreaking in many instances. People have been forced to flee their countries because of persecution and end up in countries that don't want them and struggle to find acceptance somewhere. It's also a stark reminder of although in the west many homosexuals struggle with society they aren't pushed to the point they have to flee or go into hiding. We're still very far away from a truly open society where people are free to be themselves. The director and co-producer were also there to answer questions which was an added bonus.
The biggest struggle for many of the people the in the documentary is for them to come to terms with who they are because on the face of it Islam is quite explicit of how it perceives homosexuality. One of the people featured is an openly gay imam from south africa who has reconciled his faith and sexuality and has attempted to create a bridge between himself and standard conservative clergy. I think his views are received more easily by other followers than the established orthodoxy. The other big problem he faces is that his attempts to reinterpret the specific clauses that seem to indicate that homosexuality is a sin usually fall on deaf ears with other clergy preferring a much more literal interpretation. The lines in particular that come up mostly have to do with sodom and gomarrah where it talks about male/male intercourse as a sin. Of course you can step back and say what was really the sin was the way the people behaved and not the act itself. I find it sad that it's so easy for people to cherry pick arguments like this for religious texts but often ignore other parts when it doesn't suit them. The very fact that most of the people interviewed had such deep faith was interesting especially since they never consider leaving Islam.
The director also talked about his most interesting case was of a woman named Marayam. He had spent 4 years trying to convince to speak her story. She seemed to be the most conflicted of all. She had been in an abusive marriage and constantly struggled with her feelings for women. Eventually she emailed him and said she was ready to speak in front of camera and introduce her girlfriend whom she had met in egypt. Even though they seem to be deeply in love Maryam kept commenting on how she wished she would be punished because she still sees herself as being a sinner. It really upset me that she is so tortured and the act of finding love brings her so much pain.
This is well worth watching and the directors comments about it raised some interesting perspectives. One of his comments was that the whole LGBT labeling may not apply equally in other cultures and is perhaps mostly a western construct where in other cultures there are more layers than that. I'm curious to find out more about what he really meant which means I'll have to do some research. His comment came after someone brought up Ahmedinjad's comments about there being no homosexuals in Iran. The director pointed out it was a misquote which actually meant iranian homosexuals aren't like western homosexuals. This seems like a nonsensical statement but in the light of the cultural context both groups find themselves in there might be something to it. It's not easy to define and I'm struggling to find the distinction but that maybe because my perspective is wholly western.
on the way to the garden
the garden is breathing out the air of paradise
today. i can sense myself, and this lively wine,
and this friend whose nature approaches the divine.
it's all right if the beggar claims to be a king
today. his tent is a shadow thrown by a cloud;
his banqueting hall is a newly sown field.
paradise is here in the simple tale that the may
meadow tells; the wise person lets the future
and its profits go, and accepts the cash now.
please don't imagine that your enemy will ever
be faithful to you. the candle the hermit lights
will always flutter out in the worldly church.
make your soul strong then by letting it drink
the secret wine. this rotten world has its own
plans to press our dust into bricks.
- hafez
Another piece by George Friedman of Stratfor called Mediterranean Flyover: Telegraphing an Israeli Punch? which provides a few tasty morsels for the inner geopolitical geek in us all. The whole concept of either Israel , US or both attacking Iran has fueled a great deal of speculation about what they are going to do and increasing instability. I think the article takes a more pragmatic look at what might going on and also hints at the inner conflict within Iran itself as it tries to cement what it perceives as a new hegemony in the region and how evolves as a nation. Also we see the flip side to Iran acting crazy from the previous post to Israel engaged in act of misdirection to keep the Iranians on guard and paranoid. The net effect of this is that it's doubtful anything will happen soon and will keep the fires of speculation going. This is one high stakes pissing match.
Finally, the Israelis and Americans might not be intending an attack at all. Rather, they are — as the Iranians have said — engaged in psychological warfare for political reasons. The Iranians appear to be split now between those who think that Ahmadinejad has led Iran into an extremely dangerous situation and those who think Ahmadinejad has done a fine job. The prospect of an imminent and massive attack on Iran could give his opponents ammunition against him. This would explain the Iranian government response to the reports of a possible attack — which was that such an attack was just psychological warfare and could not happen. That clearly was directed more for internal consumption than it was for the Israelis or Americans.
We tend toward this latter theory. Frankly, the Bush administration has
been talking about an attack on Iran for years. It is hard for us to
see that the situation has changed materially over the past months. But
if it has, then either Israel or the United States would have attacked
— and not with front-page spreads in The New York Times before the
attack was launched. In the end, we tend toward the view that this is
psychological warfare for the simple reason that you don't launch a
surprise attack of the kind necessary to take out Iran's nuclear
program with a media blitz beforehand. It just doesn't work that way.
behind the curtain none has found his way
none came to know the secret as we could say
and each repeats the dirge his fancy taught
which has no sense - but never ends the lay
- omar khayyam
I get John Mauldin's newsletter and a few days ago it contained a piece by George Friedman called The Geopolitics of Iran. I highly recommend people take the time to read it to get a nibble of Iran and the way it is. I'm not really going to provide much commentary since I have nothing insightful to really say but I think the second last paragraph hits the nail on the head.
"Iran is secure from conceivable invasion. It enhances this security by using two tactics. First, it creates uncertainty as to whether it has an offensive nuclear capability. Second, it projects a carefully honed image of ideological extremism that makes it appear unpredictable. It makes itself appear threatening and unstable. Paradoxically, this increases the caution used in dealing with it because the main option, an air attack, has historically been ineffective without a follow-on ground attack. If just nuclear facilities are attacked and the attack fails, Iranian reaction is unpredictable and potentially disproportionate. Iranian posturing enhances the uncertainty. The threat of an air attack is deterred by Iran's threat of an attack against sea-lanes. Such attacks would not be effective, but even a low-probability disruption of the world's oil supply is a risk not worth taking."
Sorry just a little bit of side commentary. You can stop reading if you have better things to do.
It's the second point that is Iran's real weapon. They are goading the US or Israel into attacking because it helps them recruit more people into their proxy wars and covert operations. They are willing to sacrifice infrastructure if it will help create more support not only in Iran but also elsewhere in the shia community. We tend to forget that Iran has an insanely young population who mostly want to be western (seriously talk to some young iranians). The mainstream media always focuses on the extremists (including the government) and never the regular people because they don't make for good news stories. An attack would ensure that some of those young will become radicalized thus helping the current regime just like they were in the late 60s and early 70s. While Iran may have very little love for Israel they can't be completely stupid. If they did attack Israel it is almost guaranteed that they will be wiped out by Israel's own nuclear capability which doesn't all reside in Israel. I am going to invoke the chewbacca defense and say this does not make sense. Unfortunately it seems like some kind of confrontation will happen and it's exactly what Iran wants. Diplomacy is the only way out.
the kings of the world are growing old,
and they shall have no inheritors.
their sons died while they were boys,
and they neurasthenic daughters abandoned
the sick crown to the mob
the mob breaks it into tiny bits of gold
the lord of the world, master of the age,
melts them in fire into machines,
which do his orders with low growls;
but luck is not on their side.
the ore feels homesick, it wants to abandon
the minting houses and the wheels
that offer it such a meager life.
and out of factories and payroll boxes
it wants to go back into the veins
of the thrown-open mountain,
which will close again behind it.
-rilke
In the last installment our heroes managed to make their way to munich eat lots of food, nap, pick up a car and party the night away. When sunday morning came around we were all excited to make our way out to Hohenschwangau which is the town that has the fabulous castle Neuschwanstein which was created for Ludwig II of Bavaria aka the disneyland castle. The weather was rather unfortunate and the rain was coming down pretty hard. We had a couple of maps and some directions from the guy at the front desk but we weren't confident that what we had would really help us but we risked it for the first 30 minutes and chickened out and bought a detailed map when we needed to get some gas. This turned out to be a great call since it helped us out tremendously both on our way to the castles and back late at night. Driving in the rain was made easier with the car JT picked up and it handled exceptionally well. We kept ourselves busy with taking in the beautiful country side. Words really can't do justice to how pretty it is out there with rolling green fields and quaint farm houses. As we got closer to the castles we actually went a bit too far and ended up right near Austria which was 5 minutes away. We did a quick turn around and managed to make it to Hohenschwangau and proceeded to join the throng of tourists in their attempt to see Schloss Hohenschwangau and Neuschwanstein. If there was one fortunate thing about the rain was that the crowds weren't massive but still pretty bad.
The scene was rather surreal since we don't tend to see very old things in America and coming across these beautiful structures turns you into a child in a wonderland. You tend to come back down to earth when you realize how they are constantly trying to push various cheesy souvenirs on you. It turns out you can't actually wander around inside the castles by yourself and you have to buy tickets for tours which disappointed me. I like to take my own time looking at things and pausing when I need to. We ended up getting tickets for both castles and our first tour was Schloss Hohenschwangau. We had about 20 minutes to kill so we ended up roaming around the entrance taking pictures and video of the outside. The castles have a lake and mountain range right near them and on the rainy day everything looked really tantalizing like being in a movie. It must have been amazing to be there when they had just built the places and it wasn't so touristy. I can imagine on a sunny summer day the lake would be extremely pretty and well worth frolicking around. We lined up promptly for our tour and we spent 30 minutes getting some basic facts about the castle and seeing various rooms. I understand why the tours are so short but I didn't really feel I got a great experience. I love being able to check out various nooks and crannies but we were denied such experiences. Our tour group was quite a mix and I loved looking at the kids who didn't really get that they weren't supposed to touch anything and would go ahead and do something and make the tour guide agitated. The one interesting piece of gossip we learned was the king was a fan of wagner and it turns out that the only person stay in his guest room right next to him was wagnar. Oh-la-la what sorts of crazy things did the king and wagnar get up to? They probably spent many a night gossiping about girls and the latest sword fashions maybe even talking over the perfect place to take a girl on a date such as the grotto. Poor queen marie was relegated to having a floor for herself down a floor below where the king had a secret stairway to get to her. Part of me suspects that he never really used it that often besides the times he had to produce his two sons Otto and Ludwig II both of whom had problems. Otto was crazy and Ludwig had hearing issues (or maybe I did since this is what I believe the tour guide said). They also lived off in the children's wing of the castle isolated from their parents. What a lovely family indeed. With the tour over it was time to catch the local shuttle to get up to Neuschwanstein.
After taking a 5 minute bus ride up the hill we got off and walked another 10 minutes to get the castle. As we walked up we could hear the river rage down below us. There's also a bridge you can go to and see down to the castle. I have a general problem with heights and we would be late for our tour if we went there (yes, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it). When you see Neuschwanstein from a distance it looks very cool but up close it's hard not to fall in love. The building is gorgeous and you just want to eat it up when you see it. Neuschwanstein was the brain child of Ludwig II and he almost bankrupted the state trying to build the thing. He died under mysterious circumstances after his psychiatrist told him they were going to depose him and the next thing you know they go off for a walk and both are found dead. Mystery , intrigue and a bootylicious castle what more could you want in a story? They never fully finished completing the inside of the castle but there is enough in there to make you salivate and dream of times paste. The most interesting part is the grotto aka the cave of love which is right next ludwig's bedroom (he never actually go to stay in the castle). It's pretty weird when you go in there but there is this really nice balcony outside with a sliding door which would make for quite a nice romantic dinner. The one theme you pick up all around the castle is that this family really like wagnar. He was supposedly the muse for the castle. Maybe there was a little more going on if you know what I mean *wink wink nudge nudge*. Like the other tour it ended way too early and I was a little disappointed. One moment of comic relief and one of those you had to be there moments was when our tour guide said a joke that he's probably said on every tour and then 5 seconds later came this really awkward laugh from him. I burst of laughing and I was glad because other people had found the moment equally funny. We trudged down to the bus and headed back to the car. Our next stop was Austria for dinner.
Having almost gone into Austria earlier that day we were almost experts on getting there. Unfortunately we got lost on our way there but managed to figure it out eventually. The closest town on the map was called Vils which seems to be a place that has seen better days or comes alive during winter. We stopped at the first restaurant looking place and went in because it seemed like lots of locals were there. The owner kindly smiled and gave us menus and we proceeded to try and decipher the all german menu. My choice was easy since I knew the words for various meats and when it came time to order it turned out the lady didn't speak any english. I managed to vaguely place my order with the relevant smiles and laughs hoping I'd get the right thing. This was the only time in the whole trip where I had to attempt any kind of german everywhere else people spoke perfect english (much better than mine). The meal was more than adequate and it was fun to have dinner in another country. I love how close everything is in Europe. Having tamed our stomachs we proceeded to head back to our beloved Hotel Konighof. On the way back we got a bit lost and after a bunch map lookups and direction gathering we made it in time to pass out and await another day.
you darkness, that i come from
i love you more than all the fires
that fence in the world,
for the fire makes
a circle of light for everyone,
and then no one outside learns from you
but the darkness pulls in everything:
shapes and fires, animals and myself,
how easily it gathers them! -
powers and people
and it is possible a great energy
is moving near me.
i have faith in nights.
-rilke
I spent last weekend (friday-monday) in Munich with a friend who had to go over to pick up her new car. While it might seem a little crazy to travel 10 hours to only spend a weekend in a city I think it's perfectly practical to do so. I like doing short trips and soaking up as much as possible in that short amount of time and if I like the place I''ll come back again and maybe spend more time. I had never been to Germany before so I didn't really know what to expect besides lots of sausage , sauerkraut and raving david hasselhoff fans. We flew out with Lufthansa which I think of as a moderately better version of United but not much more although it was a bonus to have some pretty fräuleins as part of the airline staff as opposed to the traditional battle axes of most american airlines who can be quite rude at times. My general feeling for most american airlines is quite low as customer service is not a priority. Alas, that is a whole other post.
We landed in Frankfurt in the afternoon and proceeded to work our way around the maze that is their terminal through many twists and bends. I'm sure there was a better way for us to get around but we were in a daze and just trying to make it to our next flight. What got me really excited was hearing people speak in another language. I usually travel to places where english is the norm and it's nice to hear other languages and even though german isn't exactly pleasant on the ears like french I was in love as soon as I heard people speaking. I did german in high school but it's been many years since I've had to fake being interested in languages so my skills are really rusty beyond "guten tag. wie gehts?". Having made it to our next flight it took about 30 minutes and we were in Munich. The great thing about certain european cities is the public transportation systems they have and we figured it would be a good idea to catch the train into the city. Thereupon we hit our first test in our new foreign land picking which ticket to select with their machine. Never mind they have a button for english all the tickets are labeled in german. After looking through the list and being able to decipher bits of text we selected a choice that other travelers seemed to agree would make sense for us. The wisdom of the crowds prevailed although we discovered we could have bought a partner card and saved 9 euros but alas as n00bs in a new land we were bound to make some mistakes. A friendly german gentleman offered to help us out but we were set. A theme throughout our stay was how friendly everyone was and were always willing to help out. I guess I had this impression that germans were quite reserved and unfriendly but at least the ones we encountered weren't like that at all. Our next faux pas was to pick the wrong station to stop at but it was small since it was only a 5 minute walk to our hotel as opposed to 1 minute. After getting refreshed at the hotel and catching up on some german culture (german music channels :P) we headed out to Marienplatz the main market area.
The forecast for the weekend was that it would rain but we were lucky at the time we arrived because it was warm and sunny. We strolled around Marienplatz and decided to grab a quick bite to eat at an outdoor cafe. I love the idea of a large outdoor area with cafes it's so perfect to sit, drink and eat. It's also a great place to observe and absorb the feel of a place. I of course had to have some sausage and sauerkraut to fulfill some kind of stereotype of german food. With a beer in one hand and some sausage in another we did the only sensible thing you can do in a situation like this and that is to have a bit of a perv (note i'm using this in the aussie benign sense of the word as in to look at people not be a creepy stalker staring someone down) on the locals. What is amazing is the confluence of cultures we saw there. Besides the boring tourists like us you had young kids all looking like the 80s had attacked them with vengence, muslims with hijabs and burkahs (some who were really blinged out), old people wandering around perhaps thinking fondly of a past where neon wasn't so fashionable. While in San Francisco we do have many different kinds of people I just felt the contrast was greater in Munich because it's unusual for us to see women completely covered head to toe. I think it's also one of those things over the next 50 years where the demographics in germany will continue to change because of the nature of the EU. While I'm sure there are many issues with integrating vastly different cultures it's just exciting to see it happening in front of you. After having our fill of food and people we strolled around to check out the glockenspiel and other sites. I love old cities with their winding streets and old buildings it's really a feast for the eyes. It also turns out that weekend was gay pride and they were setting up the stage in the middle of the square so there was lots of construction going on. The skies started turning ominous and we knew our luck had run out and by the time we returned to our hotel room the skies had opened up. Not being able to fight sleep anymore I was out while my friend JT decided to do some work (those bay area types).
I ended waking up at 3am and heading down to the foyer to catch up on reading so I didn't disturb JT and incur her wrath. I started to get really hungry around 5 and I headed up to the room where JT was again on her computer emailing people. We could either wait an hour or head out to try and find something to eat. We spotted a burger king (don't judge) not too far and we went over to check it out. However, horror of horrors they didn't do any breakfast sandwiches and it seemed odd to have a burger that early in the morning though all the drunk clubbers didn't seem to have a problem. The next best choice was a small stand selling a variety baked goods and I settled for a croissant with sausage which didn't taste too bad. We went back to the hotel room and decided we were hungry again so went down to the hotel restaurant where we had breakfast part deux and were amused by the music being played which had a healthy selection of 80s music including the ghost busters theme song. Being sufficiently stuffed yet moderately mobile we prepared to head out and pick up JT's new baby.
Having become experts the day before in munich public transportation we tried it again to head out to the BMW headquarters which is an extremely beautiful set of buildings. Germans have an incredible sense of design style when it comes to extremely modern looks. The next few hours were really for JT to learn and play around with her new toy. It's an extremely pretty car and I have some choice video of her initial reaction to it plus homage to where the hell is matt. If only i could share it ;). After all the formalities were done and we stuffed ourselves with more food (this is recurring theme) we took it for it's first ride out of the place. We had to stop outside so JT could pick up some stuff from the shop and on our way out there was a group on young guys who were maybe 15 and they started to cheer. I think it may have been because JT looked very cool getting into this shiny new car or perhaps I looked really dorky getting into the passengers seat ;). The car is a convertible but unfortunately the clouds opened up so we had to drive the whole weekend with the top on. We raced back into the city with me as navigator (a terrible idea if you know me because my sense of direction is way off) but we managed to find our way back. After checking out of Le Meridian we checked into the hotel we would spend the rest of the weekend at Konigshof hotel which is right in the middle of Karlsplatz.
Our next adventure and perhaps a mistake was to go to Hofbrauhaus a large tourist infested beer house. We walked through Marienplatz in the pouring rain and spent a little bit of time checking out the pride concert and then walked into a den of drunkenness. Inside was way too warm so we sat outside in the rain and after waiting 10 minutes to find someone to serve us and find an english menu I had a beer with an umbrella in my other hand. If you're going to munich and even though the tourist guides say you should check it out I'd avoid it and and look for another beer hall somewhere else where more locals hang out. We didn't last too long there and the jet lag began to hit so it was nap time for JT and myself. Naps featured quite a bit during this trip for obvious reasons .
We had made plans to check out the hotel's restaurant because it has a michelin star and since we were staying there we thought it would be neat to try out. The downside of all of this is that I had to wear a real shirt. Yes, on this weekend trip I had to bring a bona-fide button up shirt *sigh*. The restaurant itself has a really interesting ambiance and when we walked in we were warmly greeted by the staff. As you've guessed by now I love food but I'm not fussy eater and the food I had was awesome. Everything tasted really fresh and by the time I was done with my main meal I couldn't fathom having dessert which disappointed me greatly because I love sugar and all its goodness. However they did offer me some tasty little treats to compensate. Given the staff was so friendly we asked our waiter where we could go that night to have some fun at either a bar or club. He wrote up a list for us and was extremely helpful. The whole dining experience was first class and if you're in Munich eat at the hotel even if you don't stay there. On our way out to check out one of the clubs our waiter told us about we bumped into him as he was getting off his shift. Being such a friendly chap he invited to take us out although I suspect it was more because JT was around than anything to do with me. We ended up at a club called Max and Moritz which I'm sure is like most other clubs (I don't go clubbing that often) and he seemed to know someone there and we got to cut the line and go in. German's seem to love house music and it was thumping as we got in and the scene seemed really fun. We spent some time dancing and our new friends had to leave us which left JT and myself to dance till after 3am. The great thing about german clubs is they close really late and the vibe was still going when we left. Perhaps the highlight of the night was that the DJ mixed our new favorite song bettina, zieh dir bitte etwas an by fettes brot. We had picked up the song while doing some culture acclimatisation in the hotel (german mtv ;)). It seemed we weren't the only ones to like the song since as soon as it came on we got very excited and so did everyone else which surprised us. The song is actually quite filthy and is about this game show hostess who used to take off her clothes if people go their answers right. We had no idea about the actual meaning of the song before and we had to get someone in the hotel to tell us the name of the song and he was quite reluctant to tell us the actual meaning which meant we had to do some googling. As we staggered out the realisation dawned on me we were going to check some castles that day and I wasn't sure how much sleep we'd end up getting before heading out. I'll leave the next two days of our journey for another post.
tschüss
rose, oh pure contradiction, joy
of being no-one's sleep under so many
lids.
- rilke
After seeing Juno I got really interested in learning more about the writer Diablo Cody. The movie was laced with so many cool music references that I knew she was the kind of writer that I could really get into. I also had a similar fascination with Chuck Klosterman and have read all the books he's written. I guess it's just that side of me which finds meaning in music and lyrics and helps me reconcile my perception of reality.
Candy girl isn't about music but music does play a big part in the book because it's all about strippers and what would a strip club be without music? A very poor place indeed *giggle*. Diablo stumbled into the world of stripping based on a whim and gives an insiders view of going from a complete neophyte to stripper extraordinaire (well much better than she was when she first started) . The book is quite graphic in places so if you're rather prudish you'd probably want to stay clear. She has an incredible sense of humor and so many of the lines in the book had me laughing out loud (yes LOLzing) and keeps up a frenetic pace as she moves from one strip club to another seeking more adventure. Oh, this all takes place in Minnesota (who would have thunk it).
"I was planning to strip that evening, and I wanted to do it with my fantasy hair. I would snare customers in my golden locks and bind them until they were purple and gasping. Then, I'd grab their wallets and run cackling into the night. Rapunzel the rapist. Fucking right on".
By her own admission she doesn't fit any kind of cliched stripper back story. She came from good home with great parents. Stripping was basically an outlet to counteract the mundane life she was leading. Some people bungee jump for thrills she would dance around a pole for hers. The other side of the story was about the kind of people that would show up providing a view into the full spectrum of human sexuality. Some of the stuff is pretty odd and creepy but every now and then it's good be reminded that everyone evolves a different way including their sexual tastes and appetites. I think it's also a world that fascinates many people because sex is still such a taboo thing in larger society. Although as indicated by another one of my posts the basic concept has seeped into mainstream culture. Perhaps it's a good thing with strippers being able to have a bit of laugh at other peoples expense.
I personally don't have any moral problems with strip clubs and strippers. I tend towards the school of thought that adults should be free to do as they choose as long as they aren't causing harm to others. There is a fine line in the sex worker world and I'm against sexual slavery that some people are forced into which is common in many third world countries. In the context of the story most of the girls it would seem fell into it for quick cash and while not being the best place in the world to work they weren't being forced to do anything.
You maybe wondering if I have a strip club story to tell and given my stance am I an avid patron of such establishments? Yes, I do have story but I'm not a patron. It really comes down to allocation of resources. I'd rather throw my money at things I find personally interesting (books, music, movies - not those kinds of movie, charities) than say a semi-naked woman that feigns interest in my existence. I'm jaded enough to understand this ephemeral bit of attention is probably more repulsive to her than pleasurable and I'd rather not participate. No need to worry though there are more than enough people to take my place and keep all those little green pieces of paper flowing.
Back to the story. A friend of mine decided he wanted to have a wild bachelor's night out before he got married. Never mind the fact that I've never understood why guys want to go to strip clubs before they get married. The whole "one last wild time before I get married" thing seems kind of idiotic. Chances are once they are married they'll go to the strip clubs even more. I had actually never been to a strip club before and here I am walking into this club and the first thing that struck me was the dimmed lighting , cheesy music and lots of ugly guys. The guys I was with were all going wild and as soon as I knew it people were disappearing. Here I am sitting there with my drink trying to think of what music I'd want to listen to in a place like this. The initial thrill of seeing a bunch of semi-naked girls really wears off quickly (at least for me). It's the wholesale nature of it that isn't very attractive. It's like a vegas buffet versus intimate dinner with a friend. For some unknown reason the guys had decided to pay for a lap dance for me knowing this is the last thing in the world I want. This attractive girl comes up to me and says my friends wanted me to go for a private dance. So I wander off to this semi-secluded spot with this girl and she asks me to sit. She gets on my lap and this is gist of the conversation
Girl: Hi my name is candy (i can't remember what her name was)
Me: My name is P
Girl: Don't you feel the electricity tonight
Me: What?
Girl: It feels really sexual here right now
Me: Really?
Girl: Yeah, don't you feel it?
Me: No
Girl: Why not? Don't you think I'm hot?
Me: You're attractive, it's just that I don't really have any interest in a lap dance
Girl: Fine. What do you want to talk about?
Me: How did you find yourself stripping?
Girl: I came from (some unknown town in the mid-west) and I'm in college and need to pay for it.
Me: Oh, what do you study?
Girl: Psychology. I love how humans think. (when are they going to start saying computer science)
Me: Cool. So what do you think of freud vs jung?
Girl: Huh? what?
Me: You haven't studied either freud or jung?
Girl: Um, no I study other things.
Me: Really. Such as?
Girl: Oh. I need to go now. (she walks off and as I walk off I see her pointing at me as she leans over and talks to another girl. no doubt saying what a weirdo i was. maybe i should have indulged her but i wasn't in the mood).
The story doesn't end there. I'm getting really bored and trying to come up with ways to entertain myself. Obviously there are lots of girls milling around looking to make bank for the night and one stops by and settles down on a chair next to me. We start talking about music and I asked her what it would take to get the DJ to play a song I wanted. She said she had a dance coming up on the stage in ten minutes and she was allowed to pick any song. So I whispered a song in her ear and gave her and the DJ an generous tip for indulging me. Ten minutes later as the girl takes the stage suddenly I hear the unmistakable sounds of the song I whispered in the girl's ear and I see my friends all staring at me. Are you a little bit curious what the song was? I had to pick something that was the polar opposite of the situation we were in. Rage against the machine's Killing in the name. Yes, I really am that strange.
spring lies abandoned.
a ditch the color of dark violet
moves along side me
giving no images back.
the only thing that shines
are some yellow flowers.
i am carried inside
my own shadow like a violin
in its black case.
the only thing i want say
hovers just out of reach
like the family silver
at the pawnbroker's
- april and silence, tomas transtromer
I flew back to San Francisco on Monday morning and I'm still somewhat recovering. While I out for some New Years revelry several people mentioned how much they liked Juno. I'm always a little bit skeptical of other peoples choices in movies. Of course I have immaculate taste in movies bordering on divine :P. I woke up on Tuesday morning in a daze and after becoming myself once again in union square and absorbing as much sun light as possible I found my way to the Metreon to check out Juno. I hadn't actually read anything about it and I was going in completely blind. My only negative reaction was that the theater started to fill and was basically full by the time movie started. Don't these people have anything to do on a holiday? They all need to get a life.
Now I know you're waiting for me to actually get to my non-review of Juno but I have a side story. There was an 8 year old girl sitting next to me. A commercial was playing and they used Led Zeplin's Kashmir as the song. As soon as the girl heard the song she started to sing out aloud to the song and had these dramatic hand movements to go along with the singing. She then turned to her mother and said "I know who plays this, it's led zeplin". She seemed very proud of the fact she knew who they were and I thought it was the coolest thing I heard all day. A young rocker in the making which restores my faith in the youth of today to balance out the army of britney zombies.
Ah yes, Juno. There are some movies I fall instantly in love with from the first scene and Juno is one of them. There is a certain artistic sensibility in the way the writer and director have imagined the world that appeals to me. The characters are awkward, weird and utterly lovable. The basic gist of the story is Juno gets pregnant after getting it on with Paulie (Michael Cera) and follows how she handles it as suitable high jinks ensues. Juno has some great lines and liberally throws them around, though Paulie gets in on the action too.
Juno MacGuff:
I think I'm, like, in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker:
You mean as friends?
Juno MacGuff:
No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie Bleeker:
I try really hard, actually.
I think Michael Cera is going to get type-caste as the super awkward guy in all the movies he does although he has been known to branch out:
It's just one of those movies you leave with a big smile on your face. I had the exact same reaction to Little Miss Sunshine and movies like this are such a welcome change to regular stuff we're forced to put up with. If you're looking for a fun movie this is a good start to the new year. The soundtrack is also quite awesome and I itunesed it as soon as I got home from the movie.
Time to catch up on sleep :)
It's possible that while we were dreaming
the hand that casts out the stars like seeds
started up the ancient music once more
-like a note from a great harp-
and the frail wave came to our lips
in the form of one or two honest words.
- antonio machado
I was sitting at a starbucks in downtown Brisbane on a moderately gorgeous day last week with a stack of books acting all poser intellectual like in a sea of beautiful people. I've promised myself that I will make progress on at least two or three books before I head back but I'm falling behind. I've been side tracked working on some code for a facebook app. However, let me get back to the story I was trying to tell before I so rudely interrupted myself. I was reading the Pigeon by Patrick Suskind which I picked up on a whim after re-reading On Love and Death. I enjoy Suskind's writing because his approach towards isolation and neuroticism and wrapping them up in interesting characters. His characters are usually pretty self absored (honest, i'm not like that :P) and perhaps the best example is in Perfume with his most fiendish of characters Jean-Baptiste Grenouille. In the Pigeon the main character is thoroughly neurotic and has built a wall between him and the world but he draws you slowly to his own internal mad house. As I was reading it the following seemingly innocuous lines had me stop and think for a few moments.
"Good day, Monsieur Noel," she said as he passed her at an intentionally vigorous pace.
"Good day, Madam Rocard," he muttered. They never said more than that to one another. For ten years - as long as she had lived in the building - had never said more to her than "Good day,madame" and "Good event, madam" and "Thank you, madame when handed him his email.
I was giggling (like a little school girl) to myself about how there are many of these types of relationships in our lives. In the building I live in I share this relationship with many people. We'll say hello and make small talk but beyond that we don't know anything significant about the other person. It's possible to live years in one place and not really know the people who live next door to you. I wonder if it is a symptom of modern living that we have become quite isolationist. Only seeking refuge in a minimal set of people and otherwise leaving all others at bay with chit chat. I don't really have a good reference point but I'm going to assume there are other cultures out there that do manage to make a stronger community but that could just be because of homogeneity of the people. Do we only seek people who are more like us?
I remember when I used to go home from work late at night the security guard would always say goodnight to me. One day I stopped and decided to talk to him just to find out about his life. It turned out he had lived in lots of cities and had kind of bounced around in life. He was also a huge fan of music (much like myself) and he got very animated when he started talking about playing his guitar. I made it a point after that to spend five minutes with him before I left just to get another story about his life. One day he wasn't there anymore and the new security guard didn't like talking much. I have no idea where the guy is now but I still remember all the stuff we talked about.
One more story before I bore you to death. I used to take a bus home from work in Brisbane many years ago. One day this girl sitting next to me asked me where a particular stop was. I told her it was my stop (perhaps this would have been a great pick up line) and she asked me if I could remind her when to get off. She said she might miss the stop because she was so engrossed in the book she had. When it was time to get off I reminded her and as we walked from the bus stop she started talking about her life. She had come from India to study at a local university and was visiting her cousins for the weekend. She talked about how she was adjusting to life in the dorms and how her one big dream was to become a journalist in NY. After seeing her off at her cousins place I headed home and put the conversation away as another random meeting. A week later I bumped (no, I wasn't stalking her) into her again on the bus and we kept chatting and did the same thing we did before. This continued a few more times and then I never saw her again. The strangest thing was that neither one of us ever asked the other person their name. I guess we were both content having a random conversation with a stranger and leaving it at that. I was reminded of the event when I was walking home after going downtown and passing the same house where the girl had gone to visit her cousins. I was wondering if she ever made it to NY and what her life is like now.
